Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
cat food counts as protein by the way
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
