guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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