just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
