I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
