I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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