I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
