I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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