I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
