Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
