why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I touched a dick in church today
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