According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
