I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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