I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize