you have to choose: penises or morals?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
