Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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