If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
