I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
