I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
