Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
