I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
