The maid of honor just puked.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
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and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
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