When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
