It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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