HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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