so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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