My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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