Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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