I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize