man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
