I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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