apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
