I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
