Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
