I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
