Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
