so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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