Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
