yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
