I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
