Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
