dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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