if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
