Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
