i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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