Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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