We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
