You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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