Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
