you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
