I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
