He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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