I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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