It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
