I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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