fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
