Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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