I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
