you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
