I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
