Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
