Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
another moral hangover. fuck.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
third nipple confirmed
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
