I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
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I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
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I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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