spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
