Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
