THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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