my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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