I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
