i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
